I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
