Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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