U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
