I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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