She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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