You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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