if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.