You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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