Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??