i just had sex bonerless
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got inside last night via doggy door