i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!