guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Houston, we have a squirter
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.