I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son