so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
