no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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