he puts the penis in happiness.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
