I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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