you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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