we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
