oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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