I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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