We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
