We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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