Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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