Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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