someone get that fucking seahorse.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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