You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
