she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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