I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
