as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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