do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
