Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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