every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
