Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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