Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
