toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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