This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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