there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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