I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is my gift to your gina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
