he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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