I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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