Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize