I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
