So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
