but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
