I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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