don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
