Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
