so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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