im having a threesome with these popsicles
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
