He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
