where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My pussy is not your playground.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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