What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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