I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
