He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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