Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
