My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
