I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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