Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
