didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
