I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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