I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
