the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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