so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
