you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
