I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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