I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
