I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
