dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
