She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
