last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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