Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
