I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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