In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
